Soup & Salt

The place that I work provides free soup to the employees daily. Two recent soups made me think about writing this post and what 2011 was to me and what the New Year has to offer. A few weeks back the soup was a chicken and broth, with some random vegetables. I am not a fan of the broth soups at work, preferring the rich and creamy soups. However, I never bring a lunch and am at the mercy of the soup provided. Beggars can’t be choosers. This particular broth soup was not very flavorful and was severely lacking salt. It had some herbs in it, but not enough to enhance the flavors in the soup by any means. Just the other day, again, it was a broth soup with chicken, huge carrot slices and some noodles. Seriously, I’m convinced they make the associate soup with the leftovers from the paying customers. I was hesitant to dive into another tasteless soup for lunch, but I ladled it into a cup nevertheless. This soup was delicious and salty! It was hearty without being heavy! It was so good and I was warm and toasty and ready to face my afternoon at work! So, what do these soups have anything to do with the year in review and ringing in the new? I feel like 2011was that first soup… It was bland. Sure it was full of things that were good and good for me (like the chicken – protein, and the vegetables that are healthy for me!), but it felt watered down and was just “okay”. 2011 had “stuff to it” like the herbs in the soup, but it lacked that flavor that salt provides to a dish, if you will. During the last year, I have heard God tell me repeatedly, “Salt and Light”. In many different ways and regarding many different things this has been the response from God. From the Message…

Matthew 5:13 "Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.” 

I have determined that my focus in 2012, and every year really, needs to be putting into action how we are called to be salt and light to others. “Christians should not blend in with everyone else. Instead, we should affect others positively, just as seasoning brings out the best flavor in food.” Stay tuned for more on my salty adventures and more of this story …

To those who wait...

I can't believe the last post I made was in March! Sheesh. What have I been doing? I so want to keep the blog up and make wonderful changes to it's appearance... I also want to create a spin-off blog. It's because I have so much time to do these things. Right.

I would like to ask for many prayers for friends and family. So many dear to my heart are going through trying times and lots of waiting. They are waiting for test results, waiting for answers from God, waiting for the right person, waiting for the right buyer, waiting for new beginnings to begin already, waiting for college to start, waiting for the fruits of labor, or waiting and don't even really know they are waiting. Just pray that maybe that little something a someone needs to fulfill God's will - will come. And in His time. Waiting is the hardest part.

So, with that said. Keep waiting for my blog to get better, to look better and to have something really great to contribute to God's will for our lives. The best things come to those who wait.

She Speaks

After moving here I felt a bit lost. Not only had we moved to an entirely different state, it was away from all my family, friends and our church. I had never lived anywhere other than Illinois. Though somehow, Mark and I knew that God brought us to this place. Somehow, this was going to be a defining part of our journey. And, this is where it would happen. A year later where we fondly call home, we have jobs, a new rental home, a church family and wonderful friends. But more importantly we truly believe that we live by Jeremiah 29:11, we have hope and faith.

Even with things feeling settled and comfortable, I was just feeling that I was missing 'something'. It felt as if there was a piece missing, I was lacking. I finally realized, I wanted to know what I was going to be when I grow up. The only problem was, I wanted to know right now! I know that God doesn't deliver like that, so I simply prayed about it. I asked others to pray for me. I wanted a revelation of sorts, some inkling of an idea that would lead me to discover my holy calling, my purpose, exactly how to use my God given gifts and talents. I really didn't expect it to happen all at once, like in a complete package. Huh, funny though, how He works. God delivered.

It's a bit of a blur how it all happened, how it came to be in my mind and heart. All I know is that I want to go back to college. I want to major in religious studies. I want to write. I want to write articles in magazines and on blogs. I want to improve my own blog (I do have bigger, better things for this here blog in the works!). I want to do what so many have been telling me to do for years, and that is to write a book. I want to speak at conferences. I have a hidden desire to do something related to Christian radio. I want to share how everything in my life lead me to God, and how I almost 'missed it', so that others don't miss out, too. I want to 'be there' for other women, where ever they are on their faith walk, to tell them they are not alone. I want others to see what I've got, and want a little bit of it, too.

Sounds like a lot of "I wants" when I look back at that paragraph, but it's not really about me. I feel in my heart that what I am hearing is God saying, "I want... you to... write about finding God in the hardest of places like, relationships, parenting and 'working' for God's glory. Help others suffering from depression, struggling to be accepted by society and those who are lost seeking spirituality in other forms to find Me. I want... you to... find new avenues to spread the Gospel, to tell others how much I truly love them and that I want for nothing other than for others to recognize what is available to them."

The best part of it all, is that I just learned of an opportunity to make it all become reality. There's a thing called the She Speaks Conference. To quote their website, it's a "life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus". The conference equips women who have the desire to speak, write, or be a stronger leader for Christ. I am taking a chance at winning a scholarship to attend She Speaks this summer in North Carolina. You can read more about this valuable scholarship opportunity over at Lysa TerKeurt's Proverbs 31 Ministry site.

I think when I knocked, God opened the door to even bigger and better things than I ever even imagined. I mean, really, what were the chances I find out about She Speaks and the scholarship opportunity yesterday and the deadline to enter the scholarship is tomorrow (a mere few hours away!), Friday March 27th! Mark and I used to say, "It's crazy!" We no longer say that, now we say, "It's God!" Wish me luck!

A meme

1. My uncle once had an awesome green Camaro it sparkled.
2. Never in my life have I been to Disney.
3. When I was five I had a really fun birthday party and my mom did everything and I love M&M Bingo to this day for it.
4. High school was meh.
5. I will never forget Mark’s transplant
6. Once I met Robert Townsend at a basketball game at my high school.
7. There’s this boy I know who is adorable, and looks like Nick Jonas. They both have diabetes.
8. Once, at a bar, I got in and was like 17 or something – and I didn’t even want to be there in the first place. Lame.
9. By noon, I will have consumed four cups of coffee.
10. Last night I went to bed before anyone.
11. If only I had paid more attention.
12. Next time I go to church I will be “extra” thankful.
13. What worries me most is that which I cannot control.
14. When I turn my head left I see a very messy kitchen.
15. When I turn my head right I see a very messy closet.
16. You know I’m lying when I can’t keep a straight face.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is Reebok hightops.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be … can I be Shakespeare?
19. By this time next year I hope that I have more answers.
20. A better name for me would be Rachel, apparently, people always tell me that or have called me it.
21. I have a hard time understanding numbers, math, the whole right side of the brain.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll study religion.
23. You know I like you if I tell you I do, or suggest we should spend more time together or get to know one another better. Why play games? Tell ‘em!
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be God.
25. Take my advice, never my clothes.
26. My ideal breakfast is at a comfy restaurant.
27. A song I love but do not have is Jars of Clay “There is a River.”
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest Kirchbaum’s!
29. Why won’t people believe.
30. If you spend a night at my house, you’ll sleep with a dog on your bed.
31. I’d stop my wedding for any emergency.
32. The world could do without just about anything that blows up (except fireworks!).
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than eat a live octopus.
34. My favorite blondie is from Applebees. Yummmmm.
35. Paper clips are more useful than tape.
36. If I do anything well it’s “be there”.
37. I can’t help but I can listen.
38. I usually cry when I am just too overwhelmed and feeling depressed and have held it in just too long.
39. My advice to my nephew/niece is to read the Bible, everything you need to know is in there.
40. And by the way, it really doesn’t matter how much money you make, whether or not you have a degree or that you have everything big and great and beautiful. It matters that you make your life right with God. All you take with you is you character.

Doodle O's for Google - Oh!

Every once in awhile, Google redesigns the homepage logo (a.k.a. Google Doodle) to commemorate special birthdays and events. Dennis Hwang draws these Google Doodles - whose job I truly want, by the way. You had better look out Dennis!

TuDiabetes.com and DiabetesDaily have teamed up to get more than 20,000 signatures by November 1, 2008 as part of a petition to ask Google for a doodle to light the logo in blue on World Diabetes Day November 14th.

Please, invite EVERYONE touched by diabetes to join this initiative:
-Add your signature to the Diabetes Doodle petition @ http://www.diabetesdoodle.com/



A big thanks to Kerri for posting about all this on her Web site. I lurk at her place. She is one of those people that you just want to meet and give a big hug to. So, lookout SixUntilMe! I'm comin' to hug ya. After I steal Doodle boy's job...

I'm a nut

A long time ago, on this very day, my niece gave me a birthday card. It was cut out like a cloud and in different colored crayon it read "Happy Birthday Anut Candy". My mom and sister and I have never forgotten that. So, now you know where the title from my original blog "aNut Candy" comes from. You also know now that it's my birthday. He he. Oh, and my niece... she's getting her driver's license next weekend!

33 Miles

We physically moved a many a more mile than 33. More like over one hundred or so. 33 Miles is a favorite Christian group of mine. Where am I going with this? To better understand, take it from the band’s MySpace page, “their name, [is] a simple metaphor for the 33 years that Christ spent on Earth, and how He lived them. “He was a friend to the friendless, He loved the unlovable, and He gave of Himself selflessly by dying on the cross in our place so that we could live forever,” Jason explains. “We want to follow Christ. We want our ‘Miles’ to have purpose and meaning and to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. We aren't promised a certain number of miles, so what are we going to do with the "Miles" that we are given?”

I truly feel that this move is the beginning of my “miles” that are going to count. Not that my previous years’ “mileage” hasn’t. When I started this blog, it was the eve of my thirtieth birthday. So much was happening. I was changing. I was beginning a relationship with Christ. I found it of significant meaning that I was coming into Christ at the supposed age Jesus was baptized. Luke 3: 23 Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age, being the son (as was supposed) of Joseph… I have read that in order for Christ to begin His ministry, first he most likely had to be washed with water – baptized, and anointed with oil. Since my thirtieth birthday I have a new appreciation for my own baptism, and I have submersed myself in the Word. And I have never looked back. The reason I bring this up, is that this May, I turn 33. And funny, look where we are.

When the opportunity came up for our family to make this move, I laughed at Mark and said %*!# no! Then, I opened my heart. I also Googled. And what do you know – my thoughts changed. We were moving! This was a complete act of God, and we have completely followed His lead. Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


It’s hard to believe that a week ago I was driving up here with Angel (again, her name, the irony), our lab mix, and a truck filled to the gills with all of our belongings. It’s a good feeling to be here. It is surreal to be here. I have arrived!

What a week it was. The kids started school straight away last Monday. It was brutal. School starts an hour earlier here than in Illinois. Seeing as we didn’t get the trailer unloaded and dinner on the table until after nine at night, getting up at 6ish was quite a feat. Amazingly, and with excitement, they did it! We were very unprepared though. We couldn’t find the Ziploc bags for lunches and snacks. We ended up sending the kids without anything for snack at all! I felt like the total deadbeat mother. Luckily, the school gave them back-up snacks. We were to report to the school office by a quarter to eight. We arrived at about 8:00 am. I got to take the kids to their classrooms and get them all settled. It was great to see the classmates so excited to meet their new friend! As we walked to their classes they announced the arrival of Remy and Dax, and the kids got to hear their names on the loud speaker. Neat. I met with the school nurse then, and went over all of Remy’s diabetic needs. The school nurse has a son in the same class as Remy, whom also has diabetes. I wasn’t too worried about leaving either child that day. If anything, I knew it would be fun and different for them. However, my little guy was going from a 2 hour 45 minute Kindergarten day, to a 7 hour 15 minute day and lunch at school, to boot. He loved it. Well, the first day a girl did share her cookie with him. I was more worried that when I got home to the empty house, I was going to finally break down. I had been holding things together pretty well thus far. And I was fine. I had so much to do, I couldn’t think about being depressed. I did find the Ziplocs though!

By Tuesday, both kids were getting hot lunch. Dax was like an old pro at it! Remy announced she had a new total BFF. The kids have enjoyed gym, music, art, Spanish and library time. The author of “Frankie, the Walk n’ Roll Dog” came to talk with the kids. Frankie, her dog and inspiration for the book, came along! The kids loved it; Dax even got a lick on the cheek from Frankie. Both kids got a copy of the book, signed and paw-tographed to them. Friday, Dax got to bring home the class chicken, named Checkers. We need to show Checkers a good time this coming week, but I think we could stand to have him show us around a bit! This week also means that Dax is the Star Student and gets to do all kinds of fun things and help his classmates get to know him better.

Over the weekend, Dax learned to ride his bike without training wheels! Mark and the kids went down to the trail along the ravine that has a winding path with stone bridges that cross over the little creek. We ate at a great little drive in (which I learned of in Checkers’ journal!) and had shakes and got groceries at the Piggly Wiggly. The weather had the neighbors outside on Sunday and we got to know each on either side of us better (their canine companions, as well). We live next door to Candice. Is that crazy or what? At least I can remember that!

Friday after school on the walk home, the kids did ask if we could go back to Illinois to visit Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. They miss them and the constant contact. Already. There were quite a few phone calls last week to report on school, lost teeth (Remy on Tuesday) and riding without training wheels (Dax called on the spot with Dad’s cell phone. I have pictures of the phone call to go in the scrapbook along with Dax on the bike)!

Like I said, I have been waiting for reality to hit and the depression to set in. It’s surprisingly been at bay. What with unpacking all week, and having the house to myself, I haven’t had to worry about anything outside our four walls. Saturday felt more ‘weird’. We were out running errands and driving around. I was removed from my element, my comfort zone. Naturally, I started to get that “what if we made a mistake,” “Did we do the right thing?” feeling. I then realize it’s the chemical imbalance talking loud and clear, and what I need to be doing is listening for God’s whisper. If I worry, I am not trusting God. I have to pray, unceasingly, and just have FAITH. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.


Now, I know you are asking the burning question (but, remember this is my blog)… Mark is doing great at his new job. He is bringing organization and refreshing changes with him to the department. He deals with issues that the previous manager simply wouldn’t do. Mark has shown others how to do things the previous manager told them was not even possible. More importantly, he is building friendships. For all involved, things are good.

The neighborhood is reminiscent to me of the town I grew up in. Unique brick houses, with stucco and color and great old limestone churches. The Kohler clock tower chimes the hour! There is so much charm here. The houses have... personality! We walk the two blocks to school and can ride our bikes pretty much anywhere. The classrooms in the school even look like my old elementary school rooms. The community pool is the summer hangout. That was a favorite of mine as a kid. I look forward to making our roots here, and for the kids to have the small town life we hoped for them. It is nice to have the comforts of Big Box stores and trust me, I NEED my drive-thru Starbucks (By the way, THANK YOU Fran!). But I like to think the kids can have that small town life in modern times. We truly do want the ‘miles’ ahead of us to have purpose and meaning. This path, a new journey, an adventure. Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Not what I thought

I was thinking I would put back up all my old blog posts with the pictures and links. A way of 'archiving' them. But, it truly would take me forever. I started blogging back in April of 2005. It doesn't seem like that long ago, but man, how time flies. So, I'm just going to start again. It's not so bad, really. There is a lot in those old posts that explain a lot about who I am today (I can actually see the depression unfolding in me through rereading those posts). But, I can recap the pertinent things for you, I suppose, as they come up. Maybe they are better left in the past. It's where those feelings and truths belong. I am not who I was. And, yet, in some ways... the old me is slowly coming through. So, I will leave you with that.

It's just a jump to the left. And then a step to the right.

With your hands on your hips... Name that tune?

Check. Check one. Two. Is this thing on? Hi. It's me. I'm here. I'm back. I'm alive. I was gone. But I came back. I did. Did you even miss me? Did you give up all hope? I can't archive all my old entries. A lot has happened since I started this crazy thing, called blog. Are you new here? Are you my blog stalker? You know who you are... are you still with me? Are you a lurker? Do you check all the time to see if I have posted a new entry? Then leave a comment! No lurking for you! Okay, that latte I had is making me loopy. Until next time... Same bat-time. Same bat-channel.

Let's do the time-warp again...

Well it’s no wonder the man is retiring

I read that after the next Tour de France Lance Armstrong is retiring. Well, after tonight’s Cardio Cycling class at the Y, I can see why! My word, it was so hard! I can’t stand and pedal (known as second position) or do third position either which is like leaning over the bike. Holy smokes, I had two six-pound babies with no epidural and it was less painful than sitting on that spin bike seat. I even had the add-on cushy seat thing! I’ll tell ya, I am going to be sore tomorrow. I can’t believe that when he had cancer and things swelled on him that he just kept movin' on! You know what I am talking about right, you all watch Oprah, don’t you? They talked about it. I don’t want to talk about it. But one thing is for sure; I am ordering a Live Strong band ASAP. I don’t have one. I have a green Donate Life and a purple Live Well (National Kidney Foundation for kidney health awareness) but I hadn’t been quick to get the Live Strong one. Well, I’m gettin' one. I’m also going to dive into the book that he wrote that my friend Amy let me borrow. Now I am intrigued. All from one little bike ride. I came in the house and said to Mark, ”That was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” He says to me, “What? Ride a bike?” Mark won’t be doing much of anything but watching movies and eating bon bons here in the next week. He’s getting his hernia(s) repaired down at Northwestern. I am kind of freaking out about it, but trying to stay relatively calm. I know that things won’t be as hectic as they were when he had his transplant. But the same transplant surgeon that did the kidney-pancreas will do this procedure, as well. That’s good. It’s also like an hour and half surgery instead of eight. Still, it’s scary and just well, okay, scary. So, I’ll be even more nuts than I have been this week. I am so distracted. I seriously am just not together. I realized it when I took Remy to school today. But man, I don’t know what it is. (The full moon?) Maybe Mark’s surgery is a subconscious worry. This also just happens to be the busiest time of year in general for me. But if I wasn’t this busy, I would be miserable. I have to be busy, it’s just something about me. My kids are well on their way. They don’t seem to be happy lately unless they are miserable. It saddens be greatly. Remy had picked out an outfit that totally didn’t match and I said okay to it. It’s a battle I am trying not to pick anymore. But, even after saying yes (did she think I would say no?), she still was upset and went on to pick something even more mismatched. She was upset with me about having to wear long sleeves so she just went way over the top on this one. But, it all got straightened out and she went to school looking lovely. When Remy went to bed I sat with her for a bit, and Taffy was lying in there with us. I love to see how much she likes having a dog. She had her arm wrapped around her and would stroke her fur now and again. It was sweet. Then, you could tell it kind of bugged her. Taffy was kind of laying on her legs on top the blankets. Remy tried moving a bit and couldn’t. As we laid there listening to the Playhouse Disney CD, the Great Big Book of Everything song from Stanley came on. There’s this part in the song with kazoos that reminds me of Sixteen Candles! That made me think of teen movies, which I still love. I think Clueless is one of my favorite movies. I loved Felicity and 90210 when that was all on TV, too. Speaking of ages ago, they had great tunes in this Cardio Cycling class tonight. I’d like to be able to get the “Y” soundtrack. It was a great mix of Beastie Boys and Red Hot Chili Peppers with some Green Day and Kelly Clarkson mixed in. Yes, you read that right. This chick that’s never watched American Idol likes Kelly Clarkson. My niece would be so proud! I want to start making my own CD’s to play in the car. When the weather gets nice I love blasting the tunes with the windows down. Yeah, I still think I’m, like, 18. I must look so cool in my SUV... with the carseats in back. I am a total dork. And, how many places do I really go by myself. Yeah, that’s me in the grocery store parking lot, jammin’. Getting back, it must take a lot of time to do though, compile all the songs you like. How do people do it for iPods and stuff? I am so not there yet. I looked at the Yahoo Buzz the other night and checked out the soundtrack music links, I love soundtracks! One link led me to the Garden State soundtrack; the movie from Zach Braff. I like him on Scrubs. Funny guy. That then led me to his blog. I am so intrigued by this blog thing. Especially intrigued by the celebrity blog. I checked out David Duchuvny’s (he is promoting his latest film, House of D), which is here on Blogger, before starting my own blog. I used to watch X-Files with Mark but I love Return to Me with him and Minnie Driver. You know, it’s a transplant movie. We actually saw it long before we even knew about Mark needing one. Weird when I think about it now. I can’t even get through the movie now without bawling. So, it’s neat to me to read these other people’s random (promotional, subliminal perhaps even?) thoughts. Totally enjoying Zach Braff’s blog, though it makes me question if it’s his or not at this point. Pretty sure it’s him. He writes, “anyone saying it’s me at any other site isn’t me.” That’s like when you get those emails that are a hoax. See Step 3 from about.com’s steps to spot an email hoax:

3. Look for statements like 'This is NOT a hoax' or 'This is NOT an urban legend.' They typically mean the opposite of what they say.

Okay, so maybe not totally the same. But it seems like it to me. Make a note to self - bookmark the about.com Urban Legends site and go there anytime you question an email that you get. Do that before sending it on to everyone else! Now, back to the ZB blog, he does something that I think is cool. He’ll list things to check out, like music or just sayings or whatever, sometimes-random thoughts. So, here’s my list:

Live Strong
Moreena started it all for me!
And yes… I’m still feeling the burn.