There is always a story waiting to be told.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share some Salt & Light.
Showing posts with label Salt and Light. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Salt and Light. Show all posts

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Heart Day


Driving back from Grafton was reminiscent of 10 years ago - yet having the kids with me in the car made it surreal, and powerful. The long drive on the highway after a long day at the hospital, feeling both exhausted and energized, felt like it did when I drove home from Northwestern in Chicago after Mark had his kidney-pancreas transplant. It was difficult to leave Mark at the hospital then, what to me felt like “alone”, but I had to get home to the then two-year-old Remy and four month old Dax. I wanted to be both places, but had to choose one. There was nothing I could do whether I was at the hospital or not. Even tonight I, I know now more than ever that God’s got this. But I still wish I was there in the room when they come to draw blood or check a blood pressure. It just “feels” better.  However, tonight on the drive home the kids and I talked. A lot. Man, did we TALK! We talked about my book, what I was titling it, what the cover would look like, what it was about (would today be in it?). How would revealing our private life in print to the world make them feel, what would people say, how would they be treated? We talked about being a Christian, being salt and light to others.  We talked about being persecuted as a Christian, for standing up for our beliefs. We talked about all that God has done in our lives, what He is doing right in this moment. We talked about all the “whys” we’ve experienced. What God is doing with the “whys” in Mark’s and my life, but also how He’ll use “whys” in their lives, too. We talked and I “preached” so much, that at one point I was worried I’d missed our exit and was half way to Green Bay

Things got repeated throughout the day. From stories, to prayers, to simple conversation – we know this:

No matter the situation or circumstances one thing is constant – God.

God is the same, yesterday, today, tomorrow.

There are angels among us. Angels are very real.

The Lord uses these situations not just for us, but for others. Who knows what kind of impact todays’ events might have on others… Christian’s and non alike.

No amount of thinking or worry is going to change what God has already written. So we pray!

So, today Mark and Remy played in a benefit softball tournament for Living Hope International through our church Word of Grace. They had already played two games and had had a long break. Mark had been having high blood sugars, and when they started to play the third game, Mark started getting severe cramps in his legs. He said he had never felt anything like it, ever before. The weather was extremely sunny and hot today, but Mark was staying hydrated and just could not make sense of it all. So, he took himself out of the game, and felt like he was going to be sick. He did not get sick, but made it to the bathroom and sat in a chair near the restrooms, I guess. He sat down and felt he was going to pass out, but only remembers coming to with everyone around him while he was flat on the concrete. Paramedics came and checked his blood sugar and apparently Mark was talking to them and others, but he does not remember it. When in the ambulance, they did an EKG and did not like the result, and started asking the heart attack questions… nausea, pain in chest, numbness, etc. Transport then changed from the local hospital to one a half hour away, as it is better equipped to handle a heart attack situation. Mark was given two bags of fluids in the ambulance and when they did the EKG at the hospital it looked good. Mark was still not in any pain, more like uncomfortable from the leg cramping. They drew up a ton of blood work for every function you can think of. The triponin level was elevated. This tells them about muscle damage to the heart.  This level is rechecked three or so times during a certain amount of time – like 12 hours or something. There was concern that if this level rises, they would want to do testing to look at the heart. This would require dye, and with his kidney post-transplant, he would require extra monitoring. They would move him to another hospital that was more equipped to handle a transplant patient. So there was potential of Mark being moved. So I got worried when the second level of triponin was also elevated. The nurse said when we left this evening that the Doctor had not called back about the levels, so at that time no news was good news. There still needs to be a few more labs to be done to draw a conclusion on the whole heart attack thing. Mark remains at the hospital tonight for monitoring. He had been moved to a room, eaten dinner and had a visit with our Pastor and his wife and my parents (they brought insulin pump supplies from home as Mark needed a site change! Of course he did!)  He has remained alert, never in any pain and considering today’s events - doing quite well. 

Thank you for all prayers. Keep them coming. I’ll keep you posted.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Where I'm At


We’ve moved into our new rental home. Everyone in the family is very excited, as it has been almost two and a half years since we have been in a home of our own. Moving has become somewhat of a regular affair for us, regular being a new abode every six months or so… well, twice was to my parents and once was my mother-in-law’s… Still, we’ve packed and unpacked boxes. Some, we just left packed. Until now - we are ready to empty boxes… and the storage unit... and my parent’s basement… and a friend’s basement, too. I can remember when we moved in to the house in Naperville, I said that it would be the last time I ever moved. I wanted to be buried in the backyard I said. That was 6 moves ago. Moving seems like not a big deal anymore. We have learned to live without so much stuff. It’s the people you live with that make the difference. Family makes a house a home. We have been blessed with wonderful families. Oh, how we are blessed.

In September of 2010, our pastor did a sermon series on “Storms”. In my notes, I jotted down what he said that morning (and I haven’t been the same since.) First, I simply wrote “Salt & Light is for others”. Then, “There are people waiting on the other side of the storm”. Then I scribbled Romans 8:28, which is - “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

On that fall morning, I’m not sure I knew what God was saying to me just then. But, I know that those words that came out of Glen Quirk’s mouth were directly from God, directed toward me.  On the other side of my “storm”, people are waiting for me to minister. God put it on my heart to minister in a situation. God wants me to bring someone out of a storm. I want to Glorify Him, Exalt Him and Lead others to Him.

It was that very message that led us to Florida. Many don’t know the reason we moved to Florida in the first place or even understand how we could be moved as an answer to a calling. We moved to Florida because I felt called by God to move to Florida. Mark’s family lives in Jacksonville, and I felt God telling me that we needed to be there. When God speaks, you move. In this case… literally.

We didn’t know what a future in Florida held. We knew that we would be with family and near the beach. We found jobs and a church to call our home in no time at all. But, I didn’t feel God in that place.  I tried. Oh, how hard I tried. And the devil tried harder to attack my every thought and move. So I prayed. And God moved me yet again. Well, all four of us, actually. That’s when we prayerfully decided to move back to Wisconsin. It happened all so fast some people still think we live in Florida, others don’t even know we ever left Wisconsin. I worried that our “mission” in Florida had not been accomplished. What if we didn’t do what God had planned for us to do there? Had we planted a seed? Had we made a difference? We may never know. We simply need to trust that we have been obedient to God’s plan for us.

Around the time we started thinking about moving back to Wisconsin, I read a blog post by author John Katz. He stated, “Sometimes you need to leave the things you love to understand how much you care and how much they mean.” http://www.bedlamfarm.com/blog/2011/05/20/a-tough-place-to-leave-video-off-to-new-york/. Anyone that is familiar with Kohler knows it is a special place. Often times it feels surreal, in both a “Pleasantville” and “Stepford” kind of way. There were a number of reasons we considered when it came to our move back that had to do with the schools, jobs, and church, down to simply missing living in the Midwest. The old sayings, “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” and “you can take the girl out of the [Midwest] but not the [Midwest] outta the girl”, certainly can stand true.

But on the other side of things, recently while listening to Joyce Meyer on the radio regarding developing discipline, she said, “You need to stay where you want to run away from – there is work to be done!” Wow. That hit me hard. When we left here a year ago, I was running. I was running from people, places and things… I often still feel like I want to crawl under a proverbial rock and hide. Some of this stems from my depression, some from our recent (and past) circumstances, or simply it’s from my own baggage. But just as I felt God was telling me to get out of the boat in the storm because people were waiting for me in Florida… there were also people I left here in Wisconsin with my unfinished story, when I had just begun telling it (or living it, for that matter). I know that God is working in me here… and I have much work to do. I have a lot yet to learn and much to embrace where I am at. This was confirmed to me today, as our new pastor said “As we are preached to, we then do the preaching.” We use our personal stories and experiences to give out the truth and love of God’s Word. And so it continues, here in Kohler, Wisconsin. More to come…

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Soup & Salt


The place that I work provides free soup to the employees daily. Two recent soups made me think about writing this post and what 2011 was to me and what the New Year has to offer. A few weeks back the soup was a chicken and broth, with some random vegetables. I am not a fan of the broth soups at work, preferring the rich and creamy soups. However, I never bring a lunch and am at the mercy of the soup provided. Beggars can’t be choosers. This particular broth soup was not very flavorful and was severely lacking salt. It had some herbs in it, but not enough to enhance the flavors in the soup by any means. Just the other day, again, it was a broth soup with chicken, huge carrot slices and some noodles. Seriously, I’m convinced they make the associate soup with the leftovers from the paying customers. I was hesitant to dive into another tasteless soup for lunch, but I ladled it into a cup nevertheless. This soup was delicious and salty! It was hearty without being heavy! It was so good and I was warm and toasty and ready to face my afternoon at work! So, what do these soups have anything to do with the year in review and ringing in the new? I feel like 2011was that first soup… It was bland. Sure it was full of things that were good and good for me (like the chicken – protein, and the vegetables that are healthy for me!), but it felt watered down and was just “okay”. 2011 had “stuff to it” like the herbs in the soup, but it lacked that flavor that salt provides to a dish, if you will. During the last year, I have heard God tell me repeatedly, “Salt and Light”. In many different ways and regarding many different things this has been the response from God. From the Message…

Matthew 5:13 "Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.” 

I have determined that my focus in 2012, and every year really, needs to be putting into action how we are called to be salt and light to others. “Christians should not blend in with everyone else. Instead, we should affect others positively, just as seasoning brings out the best flavor in food.” Stay tuned for more on my salty adventures and more of this story …

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Six months later

It's been six months already. Some odd 180 days. In part, I want to look at what is behind us. I mostly want to look to the future. For it is then, that we will be whole again. We're not even half way there yet. But, as of this past week, we are closer. Nine more months to go. Or a little less. But, what I think I am most surprised by is that all of a sudden, this six month mark, I am more depressed than ever. I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with life as I know it. Yes, this has do with the choices I've made to stay here in Wisconsin, to stay married to Mark, to be stripped of my pride, to not have a clue. Blah, blah, blah. 'You' all need to get over it. More so, it also has everything to do with the fact that I'm not giving up, giving in, nor have I stopped believing that my God is the one who Reigns. Sure, I have been really wondering if he hears me lately when I literally cry out to him. I wonder how He can care about lil ol' me amidst a world full of it's troubles. You know, bigger troubles than me and my life. But, He does. He can. I'm still entitled to feel the way I do. It doesn't make me a 'bad' Christian. It makes me human. It's why I need my God. In Mark 9:24 the father of a suffering child says to the Lord, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" He believes in Jesus, but he wrestles with his faith. He needs it strengthened. So do I.

I can have a bad day. I can feel like my little world is crashing down on me. Because, for me and my world, it is. I can feel like I have a bad life. No one can tell me my feelings are wrong. It's what I feel. There. I hate that I have to do 'all this' on my own. I hate parenting by myself. I hate having to do the taxes by myself. I hate having to get the oil changed by myself. I hate having to take the kids to get blood drawn by myself. I hate that's it's 'I'. I am not better off on my own. It's simply not how it's meant to be! "... a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:5-6. Listen, if I want to, I can sit and cry and say, "Hey, God. This really sucks." But, I tell you, I thank Him every morning for another day and for every blessing I have. Psalm 30: 5b "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." I am thankful for my beautiful children. I am glad to have a reliable vehicle. I am appreciative for a refund that I can bank away and/or help me in this mess. I praise doctors that can care for my children's special needs. I anxiously await his plan for me and my future (Jeremiah 29:11) because I know there is something great in it. Everything I read in the Bible is truth. Sometimes I can see God all around me and in everything. But, you know what, sometimes I can't. But, I still believe the Word is true.

I feel like there is so much I should be doing or should have accomplished. I feel like I am screwing everything up and letting everyone down and making a mess of things. I have no idea how to do 'this'. But every day I get up and put one foot in front of the other and keep on trying to figure things out. Some days are great! Most, are NOT. But I have the kids and a husband I adore and loves me unconditionally. More importantly, I learned how to love God first and it has made my marriage stronger and the need for my family to simply 'be' all that matters. It makes it hard to just want to do God's will, to just make Him happy when this world doesn't think like that. What I want for me and my family is not about me or my family at all. It's all for Him. What I want to do, doesn't even bring in a paycheck. The world only care about what my degree is in, or what subdivision I live in or what I'm driving these days. Hey, people of this world - strip yourself of those things. Go on... say you look at everything you did in that fraternity, lose that fancy house and hand back the keys to that gas guzzler. What are you now? Who are you? You aren't that different than me I'll bet. Are you willing to make sacrifices for the Son of God? Because God sacrificed His Son for you.

There are hurting people all around us. We are all hurting in different ways. For me, I am hurting because of my immediate situation. For me, it's a big deal. To you, it might not be. Doesn't lessen it for me, though. I suffer from clinical depression and have many past hurts and hang ups. My husband is hundreds of miles apart from me. I don't have physical contact with him other than a hug and hand holding but once a month. I have a child with diabetes. I have two children that can't eat just about anything other than what comes from the ground or God. I have a hard time looking anyone in the eye. For one, I might cry. I do that a lot lately. Also, you might see the fear and doubt in them. Because I am afraid and I doubt. But even though this is my life I have many examples when I can say, "I don't know why I doubt. God always provides." I can experience these things while I am on my journey. I can feel. But I know it's not in vain. I live my life as a living sacrifice to the Lord. I want my life to be a testimony. It can. It will.

Friday, November 28, 2008

A meme

1. My uncle once had an awesome green Camaro it sparkled.
2. Never in my life have I been to Disney.
3. When I was five I had a really fun birthday party and my mom did everything and I love M&M Bingo to this day for it.
4. High school was meh.
5. I will never forget Mark’s transplant
6. Once I met Robert Townsend at a basketball game at my high school.
7. There’s this boy I know who is adorable, and looks like Nick Jonas. They both have diabetes.
8. Once, at a bar, I got in and was like 17 or something – and I didn’t even want to be there in the first place. Lame.
9. By noon, I will have consumed four cups of coffee.
10. Last night I went to bed before anyone.
11. If only I had paid more attention.
12. Next time I go to church I will be “extra” thankful.
13. What worries me most is that which I cannot control.
14. When I turn my head left I see a very messy kitchen.
15. When I turn my head right I see a very messy closet.
16. You know I’m lying when I can’t keep a straight face.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is Reebok hightops.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be … can I be Shakespeare?
19. By this time next year I hope that I have more answers.
20. A better name for me would be Rachel, apparently, people always tell me that or have called me it.
21. I have a hard time understanding numbers, math, the whole right side of the brain.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll study religion.
23. You know I like you if I tell you I do, or suggest we should spend more time together or get to know one another better. Why play games? Tell ‘em!
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be God.
25. Take my advice, never my clothes.
26. My ideal breakfast is at a comfy restaurant.
27. A song I love but do not have is Jars of Clay “There is a River.”
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest Kirchbaum’s!
29. Why won’t people believe.
30. If you spend a night at my house, you’ll sleep with a dog on your bed.
31. I’d stop my wedding for any emergency.
32. The world could do without just about anything that blows up (except fireworks!).
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than eat a live octopus.
34. My favorite blondie is from Applebees. Yummmmm.
35. Paper clips are more useful than tape.
36. If I do anything well it’s “be there”.
37. I can’t help but I can listen.
38. I usually cry when I am just too overwhelmed and feeling depressed and have held it in just too long.
39. My advice to my nephew/niece is to read the Bible, everything you need to know is in there.
40. And by the way, it really doesn’t matter how much money you make, whether or not you have a degree or that you have everything big and great and beautiful. It matters that you make your life right with God. All you take with you is you character.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

I Hate Shopping *updated

My kids will tell you that I said hate, a bad word. In our house, bad words are hate, dumb, stupid and Remy gets the spelling of h-e-l-l, not that we say it around here, or that she really gets it I don't think. She learned at school, trying to rhyme words and spell words. How would she know? It's never used in a negative context, it's the opposite of heaven as far as she knows. It's a noun. Anyway, what I should say is that I really dislike shopping. There was a time I was like any other teenage girl, and could shop til I dropped. As I have gotten older, I hate nothing more than setting foot in a mall, especially if it involves any article of clothing for myself, even more so if I have to try things on. It's depressing. Not fun.

Well, now that we are somewhat settled up here, the shopping has begun. A different kind of shopping. Church shopping. I don't know who coined that phrase, but it's what we are doing. Sunday we went to an ELCA church up the road. I looked it up online and learned more about their community. Big nice building, it's been added on to as it's grown, has a mom's bible study during the week like Good Shepherd had. There's only so much you can tell from pictures though. Mark said a few times as we would drive past, "I really think we should try there." Can't judge a book by it's cover... er, a church by it's steeple?

So we got up and ready last Sunday and ventured off to First United. Around here in the summer, services change to one service on Sundays and one on Thursday evenings. The summer service schedule started with this past Sunday, and the time was good. Driving to the church and finding a place to park, I felt how nervous I was. Why was I so nervous? I kept asking God to keep my heart open to this new place. We found our way in and got seated. We sat toward the back. Inside it was more wide than deep. It was interesting. I noticed that the ceiling was like a hull of a boat. All beautiful woodwork. The decor on the other walls was all religious nautical. If there is such a thing!?

The pastor was nice enough. But, I couldn't get past the traditional service. They had kneelers, a small orchestra, and don't forget your red hymnals folks. I actually began to cry during the third or fourth hymn, and we'd only been there a few moments. It was kneel if you are able, stand if you are able, red hymnal, kneel, stand, red hymnal, sit, hymnal, hymnal, stand, sit, sermon, and we left. I think Mark could either tell how uncomfortable I was, or the pastor just didn't do it for him either.

I missed the Eighth Day band, the words on a screen for me to read (I have never ever been able to find any songs or pages in a hymnal, ever, I fluster through it so horribly!), jeans and casual dress and mostly Pastors Greg, Gary and Bob. I missed actual bread with wine. I don't like dipping a wafer. I missed smiles across the pew and my friends' hugs in the Narthex . I missed my kids getting excited to see their friends, too. I felt depressed.

But wait, there's more to the story. Tuesday's tale is coming.

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*Updated with Tuesday's tale...

So, I went back to the drawing board. In this case, the internet. I started looking up all the churches in the area and checked out web sites for the those that had them. I looked in to what the church's mission is, learned about the pastor if I was able, what they offered for the children, not to mention all the ministries and small groups each had to offer for Mark and me. I really enjoy being able to listen to previous sermons online, too. One church near here that I was excited to check out, as they were MS and offered a contemporary service, had the sermons on-line! Well, I listened to two and a half sermons. Suffice it to say, we would not be shopping at that church. I had to stop two of them half way through. I really couldn't believe some of what I was hearing, I think more because of the way it was being presented. I am not one for sermons that point proverbial fingers, blame and pour on the "you are a sinner, sinner, sinner, sinner!" All I heard from these few sermons was the bible is a bunch of rules to be followed, and that no matter how we try - we will never live up to being able to follow said rules. Give me a bunch of rules and tell me I'll never amount to anything? Well than, sure, rules are made to be broken when you say it like that! I just might be a bit stubborn, though too, and that's what I hear.

What I became used to in sermons was learning about a relationship with Christ, and how to incorporate that into my everyday life. How we should be salt and light. Instead of pointing a finger at me from the pulpit and telling me what I'll never do because of all I've done... tell me about Jesus. Tell me what Jesus did while he was here, will you please? Jesus shared the love of God sometimes just by "being there" for someone. I can do that, I already do. He was a friend to sinners. Takes one to know one, right? He told Martha to chill out in the kitchen and just sit at his feet, like Mary. We all need to chill. I got this daily devotion from Purpose Driven Life and I think it says perfectly what I am trying to say:


"The good news is you’re able to enter into a relationship with God through an attitude of trust in Jesus Christ; not through religion, rules, regulations, or rituals. When we trust our lives to Jesus Christ we’re given three incredible, fabulous, wonderful benefits. So, when we tell others about the good news, we can let them know: God forgives your past; he gives you purpose in the present; and, he offers you a future."

And this one from another daily devotional:


"Something happens to you when you want to try to act like Jesus. You begin to change, not all at once, but you do change. What you want begins to change. Your whole life takes on a different focus. As I began to change, my family thought I was flipping out! It didn’t happen for me overnight. It took a long time to change bad habits but God placed His hand on my life that day and has continued to guide my every step. My life didn’t change at home. I was still living in a dangerous place but because I was willing to let God turn me into a new creation, my attitude began to change. And I hung in there because I finally had Someone who loved me, and I had a lot of wonderful Christian people who cared for me. God’s plan for us is that we all become a Christian. He doesn’t care what we’ve done or where we’ve been. He just wants to take us right where we are and begin a good work in us. When we make the choice, God makes the change. The first critical step toward a relationship with God is trusting Jesus Christ to be the leader of your life. Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6, NIV)
Good Shepherd changed my life in so many ways, for the better. At one point during CRHP I think the community at church literally saved my life. I was really in a dark valley with Mark, we were very close to just some bad stuff and possibly divorce. The small groups, ministries and CRHP helped me through. I was able to confront Mark about where we were in our marriage and what was going on. It was the beginning of laying it all out there and talking it out. We started to work on our marriage. It led to everything we've been through the last year. So, to me, Good Shepherd is a tough act to follow. I pray to God that I have an open mind to all the churches we visit, and we'll know when it feels right. Through all we've been through, we know God is leading us in the right direction.

When we visited up here, months ago, before we moved, we drove past one particular church. I commented "Oh, look, they have their own green box!" There was a church near us in Illinois known as the Yellow Box. A very contemporary church on the move. Some of what Good Shepherd was incorporating into it's ministry was from Yellow Box. One of Mark's CRHP brothers was a member of Yellow Box. (People, the church is not called yellow box, but it's what the building looks like, a big. yellow. box.) I quickly followed my comment saying, "I shouldn't joke, that will probably be our church!"

So Tuesday morning after I listened to the other sermons, I then tried out the sermons online from what I will call, the green box. ;) Did they ever hit the spot. Everything I was used to and more. The pastor made a statement in one sermon that was exactly the spot Mark and I are in living up here. It spoke to me on so many levels. The site also listed their play lists from each service and all of them were songs that we know and sing along to on KLOVE or other christian stations. (There are few few few up here, but that's what the internet is for!) The church has all different kinds of programs for children, men and women. (And you can't beat free doughnuts and Starbucks coffee before services, right?) This was the next stop on our shopping adventure! I was excited to try this new place. Can you believe I was nervous at the last church? I think that says a lot!