Soup & Salt

The place that I work provides free soup to the employees daily. Two recent soups made me think about writing this post and what 2011 was to me and what the New Year has to offer. A few weeks back the soup was a chicken and broth, with some random vegetables. I am not a fan of the broth soups at work, preferring the rich and creamy soups. However, I never bring a lunch and am at the mercy of the soup provided. Beggars can’t be choosers. This particular broth soup was not very flavorful and was severely lacking salt. It had some herbs in it, but not enough to enhance the flavors in the soup by any means. Just the other day, again, it was a broth soup with chicken, huge carrot slices and some noodles. Seriously, I’m convinced they make the associate soup with the leftovers from the paying customers. I was hesitant to dive into another tasteless soup for lunch, but I ladled it into a cup nevertheless. This soup was delicious and salty! It was hearty without being heavy! It was so good and I was warm and toasty and ready to face my afternoon at work! So, what do these soups have anything to do with the year in review and ringing in the new? I feel like 2011was that first soup… It was bland. Sure it was full of things that were good and good for me (like the chicken – protein, and the vegetables that are healthy for me!), but it felt watered down and was just “okay”. 2011 had “stuff to it” like the herbs in the soup, but it lacked that flavor that salt provides to a dish, if you will. During the last year, I have heard God tell me repeatedly, “Salt and Light”. In many different ways and regarding many different things this has been the response from God. From the Message…

Matthew 5:13 "Let me tell you why you are here. You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You've lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.” 

I have determined that my focus in 2012, and every year really, needs to be putting into action how we are called to be salt and light to others. “Christians should not blend in with everyone else. Instead, we should affect others positively, just as seasoning brings out the best flavor in food.” Stay tuned for more on my salty adventures and more of this story …

She Speaks

After moving here I felt a bit lost. Not only had we moved to an entirely different state, it was away from all my family, friends and our church. I had never lived anywhere other than Illinois. Though somehow, Mark and I knew that God brought us to this place. Somehow, this was going to be a defining part of our journey. And, this is where it would happen. A year later where we fondly call home, we have jobs, a new rental home, a church family and wonderful friends. But more importantly we truly believe that we live by Jeremiah 29:11, we have hope and faith.

Even with things feeling settled and comfortable, I was just feeling that I was missing 'something'. It felt as if there was a piece missing, I was lacking. I finally realized, I wanted to know what I was going to be when I grow up. The only problem was, I wanted to know right now! I know that God doesn't deliver like that, so I simply prayed about it. I asked others to pray for me. I wanted a revelation of sorts, some inkling of an idea that would lead me to discover my holy calling, my purpose, exactly how to use my God given gifts and talents. I really didn't expect it to happen all at once, like in a complete package. Huh, funny though, how He works. God delivered.

It's a bit of a blur how it all happened, how it came to be in my mind and heart. All I know is that I want to go back to college. I want to major in religious studies. I want to write. I want to write articles in magazines and on blogs. I want to improve my own blog (I do have bigger, better things for this here blog in the works!). I want to do what so many have been telling me to do for years, and that is to write a book. I want to speak at conferences. I have a hidden desire to do something related to Christian radio. I want to share how everything in my life lead me to God, and how I almost 'missed it', so that others don't miss out, too. I want to 'be there' for other women, where ever they are on their faith walk, to tell them they are not alone. I want others to see what I've got, and want a little bit of it, too.

Sounds like a lot of "I wants" when I look back at that paragraph, but it's not really about me. I feel in my heart that what I am hearing is God saying, "I want... you to... write about finding God in the hardest of places like, relationships, parenting and 'working' for God's glory. Help others suffering from depression, struggling to be accepted by society and those who are lost seeking spirituality in other forms to find Me. I want... you to... find new avenues to spread the Gospel, to tell others how much I truly love them and that I want for nothing other than for others to recognize what is available to them."

The best part of it all, is that I just learned of an opportunity to make it all become reality. There's a thing called the She Speaks Conference. To quote their website, it's a "life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus". The conference equips women who have the desire to speak, write, or be a stronger leader for Christ. I am taking a chance at winning a scholarship to attend She Speaks this summer in North Carolina. You can read more about this valuable scholarship opportunity over at Lysa TerKeurt's Proverbs 31 Ministry site.

I think when I knocked, God opened the door to even bigger and better things than I ever even imagined. I mean, really, what were the chances I find out about She Speaks and the scholarship opportunity yesterday and the deadline to enter the scholarship is tomorrow (a mere few hours away!), Friday March 27th! Mark and I used to say, "It's crazy!" We no longer say that, now we say, "It's God!" Wish me luck!

An update and a down... umm, date?

Mark made it to Florida. Mark went to see his dad very late last night after arriving at the airport. Mark said they had some great conversation, but then the rest of it was just gibberish. His dad seems to be aspirating anything he eats. They are trying to decide at this point if a feeding tube is in order. The family is all getting together to talk about the decisions that need to be made. Mark says he does not look like "Dad", but he doesn't think he's going to pass at any second. But, all we know is that he is NOT well. Keep praying for Mark and his family. My kids are concerned about Grandpa, too. I think Dax is really upset about losing Grandpa. So, please pray for the kids, also. It's been a long time since they saw everyone in Florida, so now the guilt is setting in that we just didn't take them to see them as much as we would have liked. Just keep the prayers coming.

Of course, I am scheduled to work all this time while Mark is gone. I hired a sitter last night, which the kids love having her. I took the kids to good friends of ours early this morning and they got the kids off to school. Bless them! Our friend Ken, the husband, is diabetic too, and I had no worries about Remy while in their care. Remy had a low when she got up, so she was eating a granola bar as she was walking in their door. They got her fed and took care of her bolus, aaaand she ran out of insulin. Ugh, I forgot she needed to change her site. I heard her pump beep at like 3 am (The kids love to sleep in the huge bed with me when dad is gone, so I heard the Low Reservoir beeps loud and clear!), but forgot about it when we all got up. When I returned home from work this morning, I started drawing up vials of insulin for Remy's pump. We are heading out of town soon, so I figured I might as well draw up the extra vials to take with while I was at it. School called. Remy was in the office "not looking so good". So I headed down to school to get her. Her blood sugar was only 211, as I worried she was going to be either 42 or 552! So that's not all bad considering she didn't get a full bolus to cover her breakfast carbs. I brought Remy home, got her site changed, some insulin and Motrin in her and took her temp. Yup, 101.4. Her big concern is whether or not we can still go out of town. I told her if this subsides quickly (as brother had it not long ago and it went away quick without him vomiting or anything!), we probably still could. But, if she gets worse, no way. I told her what would be bad for us all, is if I get sick. Then we aren't going anywhere! Fingers crossed that she gets better and that I have an immune system of steel.

I also hope she didn’t get the sitter sick or the family this morning before school. Then we would really suck. I don’t do guilt all that well. So pray, pray, pray!

The latest and not so greatest!

Well, there is so much going on that I don’t even know where to begin.

The house foreclosed and was auctioned. We tried to sell the house as a short sale. We originally listed the house at $648,000. We were getting offers for $520,000 to $550,000. The bank would not accept any of those offers. However, they auctioned and sold for less than we bought the house for in 2004. You know, somewhere around $400,000. I guess they write off the loss, then make more back by selling it for way over that $500,000 price later and make big bucks in the end. We tried to make it right. We can only say we tried. It’s a messed up world these days.

We moved from one rental in town to another in December. We had been renting the first floor of a house a few blocks a way. It was 2 bedrooms, a living room, a bathroom and a big kitchen. We had the basement too. We now have an entire house! The kids finally have their own rooms. It’s a lovely location. The house was auctioned (ironic, we know) and completely redone (from what we hear it was a mess!). We are reaping the benefits. It’s been great. We love living here, in this house and in town and in this state!

We returned the Tahoe to the dealership. Gave the car back and said thanks, it’s been fun. We were able to get a leased car from Mark’s work for me to drive. We did this only because Mark’s truck got totaled and the snow was so bad, he couldn’t make it to IL in a snowstorm. So, he literally bought the car and came to IL to get us and take us home. We had been renting a car and borrowing a car from dear friends of ours up here. Praise God for them! We returned their car so their sixteen-year-old son could drive it after receiving his license. Yay! Mark now drives a loaner (called a demo) from his work until we can afford to buy him one for cash.

A few days before we moved into this house, Mark picked up a trailer to hitch to the truck and move all our stuff here. About a block from the rental, he got in an accident. Totaled the truck and the trailer he had just rented. So he rented a moving van the next day and moved all our stuff (sore from the accident) into the new house in a HUGE snowstorm.

My job(s): I was working at both the kennel and the dog day care. I am now only working the kennel. I work about 20 hours a month. It has been great. I am able to work at night or weekends. Occasionally, I work mornings and midday. I go in for an hour. Let the dogs out, feed them, and play with them. Do some clean up. Check in and check out clients. It’s been a great source of extra income. I left the day care as I felt it was going against my passion and my calling, so I quit. It’s too bad, but it was best for our family.

Remy has new endocrinologists at Children’s in Milwaukee. A long time ago she tested positive for indicators of celiac’s disease. She will be having an endoscopy and biopsy of her intestines in early April. The biopsy is the only way to truly confirm celiac’s disease. Should the biopsy prove positive, it would mean a gluten free diet. The GI doc said we would all have the lab work done too, and if any of us show the indicators, we too get the biopsy. Regardless, we will all take on eating this way, as it will just be easier. It won’t be easier on the pocket book, but we’ll make it work! More trips to Trader Joe’s and the specialty food stores. I will have to cook a lot more and that is scary for everyone! ;)

Mark’s dad is not doing so well. He was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Then this past weekend he fell and broke his hip. They operated Monday and he was doing okay. No one had seen him, but the doctors said he was fine. Well, Mark’s sister said you couldn’t understand 80% of what he was talking about. Then the doctors were asking about DNR orders, wills and his ‘wishes’ today. We are not sure if he is going to make it. Mark is leaving tomorrow to see his family in Florida. Please pray for the family.

My depression has remained pretty much the same. I am bummed at how heavy I am these days. I know that if the medicine is helping me, I shouldn’t care. But, I miss the skinnier version of me. The thing that really sucks is that I just feel like something is wrong with me. I am just ‘not right’. I have been sleeping A TON. I can sleep until one in the afternoon. It has been gorgeous out, so sunny and warm. I want to get outside and do things. But I am too depressed. I just want to eat chips and Cadbury eggs and watch TV. It takes time. I am patient with myself. Are others as patient with me? Do they understand? I wonder. I sometimes wonder if I care if they understand. Only those with depression I think can truly understand.

I have been really glad to be involved in my Bible study. We are studying Paul, which has been great for me! Also, I all of a sudden ‘get’ huge portions of the Bible. This too is hard to describe, but I am just so into learning it and absorbing it! I am reading Thessalonians for church. Had been reading Acts, Romans and Philemon for study and Matthew on my own. Never in my life did I think I would LOVE reading the Bible as much as I do. I have had a huge revelation, something I had been praying for and asking others to pray for me for. I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I think I finally figured it out! I’ll save that for another entry though. It deserves it’s own.