Where I'm At

We’ve moved into our new rental home. Everyone in the family is very excited, as it has been almost two and a half years since we have been in a home of our own. Moving has become somewhat of a regular affair for us, regular being a new abode every six months or so… well, twice was to my parents and once was my mother-in-law’s… Still, we’ve packed and unpacked boxes. Some, we just left packed. Until now - we are ready to empty boxes… and the storage unit... and my parent’s basement… and a friend’s basement, too. I can remember when we moved in to the house in Naperville, I said that it would be the last time I ever moved. I wanted to be buried in the backyard I said. That was 6 moves ago. Moving seems like not a big deal anymore. We have learned to live without so much stuff. It’s the people you live with that make the difference. Family makes a house a home. We have been blessed with wonderful families. Oh, how we are blessed.

In September of 2010, our pastor did a sermon series on “Storms”. In my notes, I jotted down what he said that morning (and I haven’t been the same since.) First, I simply wrote “Salt & Light is for others”. Then, “There are people waiting on the other side of the storm”. Then I scribbled Romans 8:28, which is - “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

On that fall morning, I’m not sure I knew what God was saying to me just then. But, I know that those words that came out of Glen Quirk’s mouth were directly from God, directed toward me.  On the other side of my “storm”, people are waiting for me to minister. God put it on my heart to minister in a situation. God wants me to bring someone out of a storm. I want to Glorify Him, Exalt Him and Lead others to Him.

It was that very message that led us to Florida. Many don’t know the reason we moved to Florida in the first place or even understand how we could be moved as an answer to a calling. We moved to Florida because I felt called by God to move to Florida. Mark’s family lives in Jacksonville, and I felt God telling me that we needed to be there. When God speaks, you move. In this case… literally.

We didn’t know what a future in Florida held. We knew that we would be with family and near the beach. We found jobs and a church to call our home in no time at all. But, I didn’t feel God in that place.  I tried. Oh, how hard I tried. And the devil tried harder to attack my every thought and move. So I prayed. And God moved me yet again. Well, all four of us, actually. That’s when we prayerfully decided to move back to Wisconsin. It happened all so fast some people still think we live in Florida, others don’t even know we ever left Wisconsin. I worried that our “mission” in Florida had not been accomplished. What if we didn’t do what God had planned for us to do there? Had we planted a seed? Had we made a difference? We may never know. We simply need to trust that we have been obedient to God’s plan for us.

Around the time we started thinking about moving back to Wisconsin, I read a blog post by author John Katz. He stated, “Sometimes you need to leave the things you love to understand how much you care and how much they mean.” http://www.bedlamfarm.com/blog/2011/05/20/a-tough-place-to-leave-video-off-to-new-york/. Anyone that is familiar with Kohler knows it is a special place. Often times it feels surreal, in both a “Pleasantville” and “Stepford” kind of way. There were a number of reasons we considered when it came to our move back that had to do with the schools, jobs, and church, down to simply missing living in the Midwest. The old sayings, “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone” and “you can take the girl out of the [Midwest] but not the [Midwest] outta the girl”, certainly can stand true.

But on the other side of things, recently while listening to Joyce Meyer on the radio regarding developing discipline, she said, “You need to stay where you want to run away from – there is work to be done!” Wow. That hit me hard. When we left here a year ago, I was running. I was running from people, places and things… I often still feel like I want to crawl under a proverbial rock and hide. Some of this stems from my depression, some from our recent (and past) circumstances, or simply it’s from my own baggage. But just as I felt God was telling me to get out of the boat in the storm because people were waiting for me in Florida… there were also people I left here in Wisconsin with my unfinished story, when I had just begun telling it (or living it, for that matter). I know that God is working in me here… and I have much work to do. I have a lot yet to learn and much to embrace where I am at. This was confirmed to me today, as our new pastor said “As we are preached to, we then do the preaching.” We use our personal stories and experiences to give out the truth and love of God’s Word. And so it continues, here in Kohler, Wisconsin. More to come…

She Speaks

After moving here I felt a bit lost. Not only had we moved to an entirely different state, it was away from all my family, friends and our church. I had never lived anywhere other than Illinois. Though somehow, Mark and I knew that God brought us to this place. Somehow, this was going to be a defining part of our journey. And, this is where it would happen. A year later where we fondly call home, we have jobs, a new rental home, a church family and wonderful friends. But more importantly we truly believe that we live by Jeremiah 29:11, we have hope and faith.

Even with things feeling settled and comfortable, I was just feeling that I was missing 'something'. It felt as if there was a piece missing, I was lacking. I finally realized, I wanted to know what I was going to be when I grow up. The only problem was, I wanted to know right now! I know that God doesn't deliver like that, so I simply prayed about it. I asked others to pray for me. I wanted a revelation of sorts, some inkling of an idea that would lead me to discover my holy calling, my purpose, exactly how to use my God given gifts and talents. I really didn't expect it to happen all at once, like in a complete package. Huh, funny though, how He works. God delivered.

It's a bit of a blur how it all happened, how it came to be in my mind and heart. All I know is that I want to go back to college. I want to major in religious studies. I want to write. I want to write articles in magazines and on blogs. I want to improve my own blog (I do have bigger, better things for this here blog in the works!). I want to do what so many have been telling me to do for years, and that is to write a book. I want to speak at conferences. I have a hidden desire to do something related to Christian radio. I want to share how everything in my life lead me to God, and how I almost 'missed it', so that others don't miss out, too. I want to 'be there' for other women, where ever they are on their faith walk, to tell them they are not alone. I want others to see what I've got, and want a little bit of it, too.

Sounds like a lot of "I wants" when I look back at that paragraph, but it's not really about me. I feel in my heart that what I am hearing is God saying, "I want... you to... write about finding God in the hardest of places like, relationships, parenting and 'working' for God's glory. Help others suffering from depression, struggling to be accepted by society and those who are lost seeking spirituality in other forms to find Me. I want... you to... find new avenues to spread the Gospel, to tell others how much I truly love them and that I want for nothing other than for others to recognize what is available to them."

The best part of it all, is that I just learned of an opportunity to make it all become reality. There's a thing called the She Speaks Conference. To quote their website, it's a "life-changing conference for women of every generation seeking to explore the tug on her heart to reach out to the world for Jesus". The conference equips women who have the desire to speak, write, or be a stronger leader for Christ. I am taking a chance at winning a scholarship to attend She Speaks this summer in North Carolina. You can read more about this valuable scholarship opportunity over at Lysa TerKeurt's Proverbs 31 Ministry site.

I think when I knocked, God opened the door to even bigger and better things than I ever even imagined. I mean, really, what were the chances I find out about She Speaks and the scholarship opportunity yesterday and the deadline to enter the scholarship is tomorrow (a mere few hours away!), Friday March 27th! Mark and I used to say, "It's crazy!" We no longer say that, now we say, "It's God!" Wish me luck!

A meme

1. My uncle once had an awesome green Camaro it sparkled.
2. Never in my life have I been to Disney.
3. When I was five I had a really fun birthday party and my mom did everything and I love M&M Bingo to this day for it.
4. High school was meh.
5. I will never forget Mark’s transplant
6. Once I met Robert Townsend at a basketball game at my high school.
7. There’s this boy I know who is adorable, and looks like Nick Jonas. They both have diabetes.
8. Once, at a bar, I got in and was like 17 or something – and I didn’t even want to be there in the first place. Lame.
9. By noon, I will have consumed four cups of coffee.
10. Last night I went to bed before anyone.
11. If only I had paid more attention.
12. Next time I go to church I will be “extra” thankful.
13. What worries me most is that which I cannot control.
14. When I turn my head left I see a very messy kitchen.
15. When I turn my head right I see a very messy closet.
16. You know I’m lying when I can’t keep a straight face.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is Reebok hightops.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be … can I be Shakespeare?
19. By this time next year I hope that I have more answers.
20. A better name for me would be Rachel, apparently, people always tell me that or have called me it.
21. I have a hard time understanding numbers, math, the whole right side of the brain.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll study religion.
23. You know I like you if I tell you I do, or suggest we should spend more time together or get to know one another better. Why play games? Tell ‘em!
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be God.
25. Take my advice, never my clothes.
26. My ideal breakfast is at a comfy restaurant.
27. A song I love but do not have is Jars of Clay “There is a River.”
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest Kirchbaum’s!
29. Why won’t people believe.
30. If you spend a night at my house, you’ll sleep with a dog on your bed.
31. I’d stop my wedding for any emergency.
32. The world could do without just about anything that blows up (except fireworks!).
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than eat a live octopus.
34. My favorite blondie is from Applebees. Yummmmm.
35. Paper clips are more useful than tape.
36. If I do anything well it’s “be there”.
37. I can’t help but I can listen.
38. I usually cry when I am just too overwhelmed and feeling depressed and have held it in just too long.
39. My advice to my nephew/niece is to read the Bible, everything you need to know is in there.
40. And by the way, it really doesn’t matter how much money you make, whether or not you have a degree or that you have everything big and great and beautiful. It matters that you make your life right with God. All you take with you is you character.

It rocked!

So, on Father's Day we headed back to Illinois. The kids and I stayed at my folks. Monday morning was the beginning of Vacation Bible School and in the afternoon, Dax had safety town. The kids got to play with their friends from school. We watched the premiere of Camp Rock. Mark came down and spent a couple of days back "home". The kids had their birthday party with the family over the weekend. The next Monday then was Camp Discovery. This is the Diabetes Camp. Both Remy and Dax attended. It's Dax's favorite. It was a wonderful two weeks. It is great to go back and visit. I know that I never want to go back and live there again. By the end of two weeks I was more than ready to go back to what I now consider "home". From the moment we got back to Illinois, I was busy, rushed and edgy. I was so happy to see friends and see the kids having fun with their old friends. It's a great feeling to have that when we go back. It's just different up north. I know that this was what was meant for us. This is where God wanted us to grow.

Before we left for Illinois, we did find our new church home. Many of you were asking how our "shopping" was going. I had found the church online and listened to some sermons, and they hit the spot. We attended one Sunday and a few classmates of the kids' were there. They have a great children's ministry, so Remy & Dax were able to get acclimated. The sermon we attended was as if it was directed to us. Then at the end, the song that was playing quietly in the background was the song that Mark had picked for the end of his witness. I looked over at Mark and he had tears in his eyes. There was a youth event for all families that evening and we planned to go. While we were there we spent a good amount of time talking with the pastor and his wife. Wonderful people. We felt so welcomed and at home. They are going to have a new sermon series that will be held during one evening a week. There will be a sermon, then break out sessions. It's about recovery. Mark and I really want to be involved. Since our CRHP experience, we want to reach out to the community. This new series will be open to anyone including outside the congregation. Slowly, I think bits and pieces of God's plan are being revealed to us.

I am so impatient. I want to know what is going to happen, what is to come. I want to know now. But God doesn't work that way. All this character building. I am really trying to let go and let God. But it's hard. I have days that I feel so close to God, and then others I feel so lost and far away from anything God wants for me. What does God want me to do here? I am reading the book 'For This I Was Born: Aligning Your Vision to God's Cause' by Brian Houston of Hillsong in Australia. I have every other page dog-eared with pencil scribblings and markings all down the pages. It is a good book for where I feel I am at, and Mark, too. It helps take some of the angst out of every day life. Each day is a gift. Now, what are you going to do with yours?

33 Miles

We physically moved a many a more mile than 33. More like over one hundred or so. 33 Miles is a favorite Christian group of mine. Where am I going with this? To better understand, take it from the band’s MySpace page, “their name, [is] a simple metaphor for the 33 years that Christ spent on Earth, and how He lived them. “He was a friend to the friendless, He loved the unlovable, and He gave of Himself selflessly by dying on the cross in our place so that we could live forever,” Jason explains. “We want to follow Christ. We want our ‘Miles’ to have purpose and meaning and to make a difference for the Kingdom of God. We aren't promised a certain number of miles, so what are we going to do with the "Miles" that we are given?”

I truly feel that this move is the beginning of my “miles” that are going to count. Not that my previous years’ “mileage” hasn’t. When I started this blog, it was the eve of my thirtieth birthday. So much was happening. I was changing. I was beginning a relationship with Christ. I found it of significant meaning that I was coming into Christ at the supposed age Jesus was baptized. Luke 3: 23 Jesus, when he began his ministry, was about thirty years of age, being the son (as was supposed) of Joseph… I have read that in order for Christ to begin His ministry, first he most likely had to be washed with water – baptized, and anointed with oil. Since my thirtieth birthday I have a new appreciation for my own baptism, and I have submersed myself in the Word. And I have never looked back. The reason I bring this up, is that this May, I turn 33. And funny, look where we are.

When the opportunity came up for our family to make this move, I laughed at Mark and said %*!# no! Then, I opened my heart. I also Googled. And what do you know – my thoughts changed. We were moving! This was a complete act of God, and we have completely followed His lead. Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.


It’s hard to believe that a week ago I was driving up here with Angel (again, her name, the irony), our lab mix, and a truck filled to the gills with all of our belongings. It’s a good feeling to be here. It is surreal to be here. I have arrived!

What a week it was. The kids started school straight away last Monday. It was brutal. School starts an hour earlier here than in Illinois. Seeing as we didn’t get the trailer unloaded and dinner on the table until after nine at night, getting up at 6ish was quite a feat. Amazingly, and with excitement, they did it! We were very unprepared though. We couldn’t find the Ziploc bags for lunches and snacks. We ended up sending the kids without anything for snack at all! I felt like the total deadbeat mother. Luckily, the school gave them back-up snacks. We were to report to the school office by a quarter to eight. We arrived at about 8:00 am. I got to take the kids to their classrooms and get them all settled. It was great to see the classmates so excited to meet their new friend! As we walked to their classes they announced the arrival of Remy and Dax, and the kids got to hear their names on the loud speaker. Neat. I met with the school nurse then, and went over all of Remy’s diabetic needs. The school nurse has a son in the same class as Remy, whom also has diabetes. I wasn’t too worried about leaving either child that day. If anything, I knew it would be fun and different for them. However, my little guy was going from a 2 hour 45 minute Kindergarten day, to a 7 hour 15 minute day and lunch at school, to boot. He loved it. Well, the first day a girl did share her cookie with him. I was more worried that when I got home to the empty house, I was going to finally break down. I had been holding things together pretty well thus far. And I was fine. I had so much to do, I couldn’t think about being depressed. I did find the Ziplocs though!

By Tuesday, both kids were getting hot lunch. Dax was like an old pro at it! Remy announced she had a new total BFF. The kids have enjoyed gym, music, art, Spanish and library time. The author of “Frankie, the Walk n’ Roll Dog” came to talk with the kids. Frankie, her dog and inspiration for the book, came along! The kids loved it; Dax even got a lick on the cheek from Frankie. Both kids got a copy of the book, signed and paw-tographed to them. Friday, Dax got to bring home the class chicken, named Checkers. We need to show Checkers a good time this coming week, but I think we could stand to have him show us around a bit! This week also means that Dax is the Star Student and gets to do all kinds of fun things and help his classmates get to know him better.

Over the weekend, Dax learned to ride his bike without training wheels! Mark and the kids went down to the trail along the ravine that has a winding path with stone bridges that cross over the little creek. We ate at a great little drive in (which I learned of in Checkers’ journal!) and had shakes and got groceries at the Piggly Wiggly. The weather had the neighbors outside on Sunday and we got to know each on either side of us better (their canine companions, as well). We live next door to Candice. Is that crazy or what? At least I can remember that!

Friday after school on the walk home, the kids did ask if we could go back to Illinois to visit Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. They miss them and the constant contact. Already. There were quite a few phone calls last week to report on school, lost teeth (Remy on Tuesday) and riding without training wheels (Dax called on the spot with Dad’s cell phone. I have pictures of the phone call to go in the scrapbook along with Dax on the bike)!

Like I said, I have been waiting for reality to hit and the depression to set in. It’s surprisingly been at bay. What with unpacking all week, and having the house to myself, I haven’t had to worry about anything outside our four walls. Saturday felt more ‘weird’. We were out running errands and driving around. I was removed from my element, my comfort zone. Naturally, I started to get that “what if we made a mistake,” “Did we do the right thing?” feeling. I then realize it’s the chemical imbalance talking loud and clear, and what I need to be doing is listening for God’s whisper. If I worry, I am not trusting God. I have to pray, unceasingly, and just have FAITH. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.


Now, I know you are asking the burning question (but, remember this is my blog)… Mark is doing great at his new job. He is bringing organization and refreshing changes with him to the department. He deals with issues that the previous manager simply wouldn’t do. Mark has shown others how to do things the previous manager told them was not even possible. More importantly, he is building friendships. For all involved, things are good.

The neighborhood is reminiscent to me of the town I grew up in. Unique brick houses, with stucco and color and great old limestone churches. The Kohler clock tower chimes the hour! There is so much charm here. The houses have... personality! We walk the two blocks to school and can ride our bikes pretty much anywhere. The classrooms in the school even look like my old elementary school rooms. The community pool is the summer hangout. That was a favorite of mine as a kid. I look forward to making our roots here, and for the kids to have the small town life we hoped for them. It is nice to have the comforts of Big Box stores and trust me, I NEED my drive-thru Starbucks (By the way, THANK YOU Fran!). But I like to think the kids can have that small town life in modern times. We truly do want the ‘miles’ ahead of us to have purpose and meaning. This path, a new journey, an adventure. Isaiah 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Some photos

Remy getting her 2nd grade Bible.

Remy & Dax, the first day of school 2007.

Remy with Prof. Dumbledore

& Severus Snape at the

Harry Potter Deathly Hallows

Book Release Party in town.

In front of Ann Taylor. I don't

remember that store being in

Hogsmeade.

This is our latest addition from

Easter. Her name is S'moreah.

She is a Shi t'zu Bichon Frise mix,

known as a 'Teddy Bear'.

This is George. Dax picked him

out for his birthday. Then Remy & Dax

switched guinea pigs, so Remy has

him in her room. He's cheeky.