There is always a story waiting to be told.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share some Salt & Light.
Showing posts with label Transplant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Transplant. Show all posts

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Heart Day


Driving back from Grafton was reminiscent of 10 years ago - yet having the kids with me in the car made it surreal, and powerful. The long drive on the highway after a long day at the hospital, feeling both exhausted and energized, felt like it did when I drove home from Northwestern in Chicago after Mark had his kidney-pancreas transplant. It was difficult to leave Mark at the hospital then, what to me felt like “alone”, but I had to get home to the then two-year-old Remy and four month old Dax. I wanted to be both places, but had to choose one. There was nothing I could do whether I was at the hospital or not. Even tonight I, I know now more than ever that God’s got this. But I still wish I was there in the room when they come to draw blood or check a blood pressure. It just “feels” better.  However, tonight on the drive home the kids and I talked. A lot. Man, did we TALK! We talked about my book, what I was titling it, what the cover would look like, what it was about (would today be in it?). How would revealing our private life in print to the world make them feel, what would people say, how would they be treated? We talked about being a Christian, being salt and light to others.  We talked about being persecuted as a Christian, for standing up for our beliefs. We talked about all that God has done in our lives, what He is doing right in this moment. We talked about all the “whys” we’ve experienced. What God is doing with the “whys” in Mark’s and my life, but also how He’ll use “whys” in their lives, too. We talked and I “preached” so much, that at one point I was worried I’d missed our exit and was half way to Green Bay

Things got repeated throughout the day. From stories, to prayers, to simple conversation – we know this:

No matter the situation or circumstances one thing is constant – God.

God is the same, yesterday, today, tomorrow.

There are angels among us. Angels are very real.

The Lord uses these situations not just for us, but for others. Who knows what kind of impact todays’ events might have on others… Christian’s and non alike.

No amount of thinking or worry is going to change what God has already written. So we pray!

So, today Mark and Remy played in a benefit softball tournament for Living Hope International through our church Word of Grace. They had already played two games and had had a long break. Mark had been having high blood sugars, and when they started to play the third game, Mark started getting severe cramps in his legs. He said he had never felt anything like it, ever before. The weather was extremely sunny and hot today, but Mark was staying hydrated and just could not make sense of it all. So, he took himself out of the game, and felt like he was going to be sick. He did not get sick, but made it to the bathroom and sat in a chair near the restrooms, I guess. He sat down and felt he was going to pass out, but only remembers coming to with everyone around him while he was flat on the concrete. Paramedics came and checked his blood sugar and apparently Mark was talking to them and others, but he does not remember it. When in the ambulance, they did an EKG and did not like the result, and started asking the heart attack questions… nausea, pain in chest, numbness, etc. Transport then changed from the local hospital to one a half hour away, as it is better equipped to handle a heart attack situation. Mark was given two bags of fluids in the ambulance and when they did the EKG at the hospital it looked good. Mark was still not in any pain, more like uncomfortable from the leg cramping. They drew up a ton of blood work for every function you can think of. The triponin level was elevated. This tells them about muscle damage to the heart.  This level is rechecked three or so times during a certain amount of time – like 12 hours or something. There was concern that if this level rises, they would want to do testing to look at the heart. This would require dye, and with his kidney post-transplant, he would require extra monitoring. They would move him to another hospital that was more equipped to handle a transplant patient. So there was potential of Mark being moved. So I got worried when the second level of triponin was also elevated. The nurse said when we left this evening that the Doctor had not called back about the levels, so at that time no news was good news. There still needs to be a few more labs to be done to draw a conclusion on the whole heart attack thing. Mark remains at the hospital tonight for monitoring. He had been moved to a room, eaten dinner and had a visit with our Pastor and his wife and my parents (they brought insulin pump supplies from home as Mark needed a site change! Of course he did!)  He has remained alert, never in any pain and considering today’s events - doing quite well. 

Thank you for all prayers. Keep them coming. I’ll keep you posted.

Friday, November 28, 2008

A meme

1. My uncle once had an awesome green Camaro it sparkled.
2. Never in my life have I been to Disney.
3. When I was five I had a really fun birthday party and my mom did everything and I love M&M Bingo to this day for it.
4. High school was meh.
5. I will never forget Mark’s transplant
6. Once I met Robert Townsend at a basketball game at my high school.
7. There’s this boy I know who is adorable, and looks like Nick Jonas. They both have diabetes.
8. Once, at a bar, I got in and was like 17 or something – and I didn’t even want to be there in the first place. Lame.
9. By noon, I will have consumed four cups of coffee.
10. Last night I went to bed before anyone.
11. If only I had paid more attention.
12. Next time I go to church I will be “extra” thankful.
13. What worries me most is that which I cannot control.
14. When I turn my head left I see a very messy kitchen.
15. When I turn my head right I see a very messy closet.
16. You know I’m lying when I can’t keep a straight face.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is Reebok hightops.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be … can I be Shakespeare?
19. By this time next year I hope that I have more answers.
20. A better name for me would be Rachel, apparently, people always tell me that or have called me it.
21. I have a hard time understanding numbers, math, the whole right side of the brain.
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll study religion.
23. You know I like you if I tell you I do, or suggest we should spend more time together or get to know one another better. Why play games? Tell ‘em!
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be God.
25. Take my advice, never my clothes.
26. My ideal breakfast is at a comfy restaurant.
27. A song I love but do not have is Jars of Clay “There is a River.”
28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest Kirchbaum’s!
29. Why won’t people believe.
30. If you spend a night at my house, you’ll sleep with a dog on your bed.
31. I’d stop my wedding for any emergency.
32. The world could do without just about anything that blows up (except fireworks!).
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than eat a live octopus.
34. My favorite blondie is from Applebees. Yummmmm.
35. Paper clips are more useful than tape.
36. If I do anything well it’s “be there”.
37. I can’t help but I can listen.
38. I usually cry when I am just too overwhelmed and feeling depressed and have held it in just too long.
39. My advice to my nephew/niece is to read the Bible, everything you need to know is in there.
40. And by the way, it really doesn’t matter how much money you make, whether or not you have a degree or that you have everything big and great and beautiful. It matters that you make your life right with God. All you take with you is you character.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

How could I be so thick?








That was me yesterday. A total dumb a**.

Let me just preface the details by saying this: There was a time after we moved up here, not long ago, that the calendar was crisp, clean and blank. The date was the only thing that appeared on the white 2"x 3" square. It felt like I could breathe. I was free! I was 'available'.

Here is the calendar now...



I am the orange, Dax is green, Remy is pink and Mark is blue.

Well, now that we need to be three places at one time I am royally screwing it up. I will share.

Yesterday, Remy had her first Brownies outing - a hike in the woods. No problem. It's just up the road. Right? In Candace's world maybe. I went to the golf course on the wrong road that had a similar name. Oops. Then I went to the right place - so I thought. In the woods. I drove in places I didn't think I was supposed to be driving, for.ev.er. At one point I think I went to drive on the golf cart path. I might have actually been driving on the golf path for all I know. We ended up at the private "members only" lodge, and I finally saw someone that wasn't fishing, shooting something or driving a golf cart to ask if I was even close to our destination.

"Nope, haven't seen any Girl Scouts here!" It was suggested we "try the other golf course, by the carts, there's a bridge, by the river. Look there. There's only 25 miles of "park"." No problem. By this point I am so mad at myself - I assumed I knew where I was going. I had all the Girl Scout paperwork to be handed in, but not the paperwork about the FIELD TRIP. This was the first event for the girls so I had no personal information to call anyone. They tried calling us at home, but we were driving around God's beautiful creation at that particular moment. But do note: In between my fits of anger and road rage I would point out pheasants and fish among God’s autumnal backdrop - how beautiful it looked at that particular moment. Then I went right back to white knuckles and gritted teeth.

Evil powers that be: "Oh, to be so silly Candace - you've only lived here six months. Did you think you could get comfortable yet!? You are still a visitor in these here parts."

By the time we got back home, it was forty minutes into what was supposed to be Remy’s field trip. Dax had to eat and get ready to leave for soccer practice - in twenty minutes. He normally doesn't eat before practice, but this night he had a Cub Scouts den meeting right when soccer ended.

I consoled Remy and told her how sorry I was that she ended up with me as her mother. I started boiling water for noodles. I attempted to make two pb&j sandwiches with only two pieces of bread. Cupboards are so very bare. Ooaaahh - GROCERIES! We need to get groceries! A desperate cry out to me, “Soccer clothes are missing Mom.” Ugh. “Check the dryer!”

A mere ten minutes later: I lost it. Hysterically, tearfully lost it. I called in for backup. Why yes, yes, that cry you heard at exactly 4:30 pm was me. I only break down and give up when I know that I can. I know that Mark is only seven minutes from home. So he can help me. He can SAVE me. Save me from myself. Exactly the call Mark hates to get at work - “help put out the fires your wife has created”. October is Fire Safety month you know. I had to get his help then and there, as tomorrow he would be in IL for work. Which we learned about today, the day before tomorrow. No notice needed, I guess. Just be at work at 5:00 am tomorrow and plan on getting home late. Great. Now I'm thinking about how I have to get everyone up, fed, lunches made and actually walk them to school. On top of it, that makes another day Mark won't be home for dinner. (I had planned on frozen pizza for dinner, but Mark didn't get those at the store last night, either. Whaa...)

You know what it is? It's the full moon. Tonight. Just to mess with me. There, I placed blame. I feel a little better.

Truth be told, it's just that I have way too much going on and I am holding it all inside. NOTE! **This is not the place to go into it. Not talking about it. Please don't decide to talk about it in my comments.** But it is because of that stuff that I lost it the way I did. Now come on, I know I can be strong. I've done strong. Remember? It was six years ago during the transplant episode, then through the first hernia episode, then the last hernia, well, yah, okay... I lost it during that one, but the week Mark had to stay in the hospital due to the funky blood thing and he could've died at work because he always says nothing's wrong with him, but when a guy at work says he looks yellow he finally listens after we had been saying it to him all along (I now digress...), come on that time I was way strong. Look how far I've come with strong. Strong! Strong like bull! Well, you know what? I am done with strong. I became strong through Christ Jesus and I know that for sure. But, I think it's time I loosen the reigns a bit. A lot a bit. Time to give Jesus the driver's seat, forget about my co-pilot. No, you know what, I just think I'm going to let Him carry me.

Maybe I'll finally end up in the right place. Without any tears. And with happy children. Some day. Because today?


Monday, August 25, 2008

Say goodnight

Again with the lyrics... but JoBros said it man - Hold on tight, It's a roller coaster ride we're on, So say goodbye 'cause I won't be back again, Up and down, You're all around, Say goodnight and goodbye.

There has been so much going on and I have wanted to post for a couple weeks. When I try to put it all together all I can think is to randomly list what I can of it all...

Remy has been having high blood sugars. I am not overly concerned. I assume she is growing.
Mark has been having low blood sugars. Ugh, I hate this. It reminds me of the days when we were dating and he would get low. It scares me. His transplant just can't go bad. It can't.

Mark recently had his A1c done, and it was high - 8.9
Remy's last A1c came down since her last one, 8.4 from 8.9
I am worried that Remy's is still going to be high when we go in this week to see the endocrinologist.
I worry about Mark, that with his blood sugars going so high and so low, he's going to end up back on a pump.

My folks came out to visit us a week or so ago. They went and looked at some houses while they were here.
None of them were in the exact town that we live in. There are some great houses that would be perfect for them!

The house in Illinois. I don't know if I even want to talk about it. But you wouldn't even believe some of the things that have been going on. The play area in the basement has a shelf with a rod attached to it for the dress up clothes. My folks found it on the floor of the playroom, completely ripped out of the wall. All the things that were on it were strewn all over the room. There was a toilet completely, how shall I say... "full" and clogged. The whole house smelled of it, I guess. One of the blue stone stepping stones from the back yard was stolen. Someone keeps smoking on the back deck. There were muddy footprints on the pool cover. One time when my folks stopped at the house to check on things, the neighbor took the liberty to let his party guests' children use our swing set. The kicker was this last week though. My mom went back to the house to take care of the toilets. They get so gross just sitting there. Molding. The first toilet she went to was in the Master Bath Room on the first floor. Inside the toilet was a squirrel. Yeah, dead. I'll let you take that in for a minute. How does that even happen? Someone had to put it there. Seriously.

This past weekend was a nightmare with an Open House at the IL house. I won't get into it in detail. I'll just say there is some kind of egotistical battle between our realtor, her husband and my parents. Ugh. Enough already!

It just goes to show me that I come from a long line of crazy people. (It makes me fear for my kids. What have I done passing down my DNA to them?) I can't understand these situations that God keeps presenting me with. After this weekend, I honestly didn't know what to do. I just wanted to curl up in the fetal position and remain there for a good long while.

The hardest part of the whole event was the fact that Mark got this voicemail from our realtor after we had this great morning. Mark and Remy went to the lab, first thing in the morning and Remy did great getting her blood drawn. She said it really didn't hurt. Then both kids went right in to Children on the Move at church - gladly! The sermon series has been about parenting and very timely. After church they had an info session on a Dave Ramsey series that the church is doing for thirteen weeks. Also, there was a new friend of mine there, that I know from the neighborhood and her daughter and Remy are in the same class this coming year and they also have a son the same age as Dax... long story short, she and Mark graduated high school together! We were meant to be here!

So when all this happened after a great morning... I crashed. Surprisingly, I didn't cry. I felt stronger than that. But, I felt like I just don't know what to do anymore. It's an awful feeling.

Regarding the house. The house has been on the market since the end of March. Early April? We started out listed at 648,000. It is now listed at 599,000. We owe that much in mortgages. That leaves nothing for the realtor, taxes, lawyers, stamps, yada yada yada. We are doing a short sale. Which means any offer that is made goes to the mortgage company to approve. We have nothing to do with it. The offers we have received are 425,000 and the latest is 465,000. But we hear nothing from the bank. There is no follow through, follow up, or communication. An appraiser from the bank was supposedly out at the house. There is no record of it, no one knows anything. Anything we fax (with confirmation of it going through) they say they have never received. Mark spends his days and nights on hold with Chase for either our first, or our second, or the realtor, or the attorney, or the attorney for Chase. (He now calls daily, seriously) No one knows anything. No one has anything. Mark was on hold again tonight and after getting transferred for the umpteenth time, he gets to the person’s voice-mail box, it says, "There is not enough memory for this mailbox. Good bye." Mark says, "You got that right!"

Oh, and the date has been moved up for the auction on the house if it doesn't sell. It was originally going to be auctioned in February. Now it is December 20-something. Merry Christmas! Someone can get a great deal on a house from the bank for Christmas!

We are getting every last thing out of the house this weekend when we are in town. We didn't plan on this. We are getting a storage in IL. I would have rather brought everything up here, so I felt like I actually "had" it. We have no money to rent a trailer. We have no money to rent the storage. We have no money. Period.

Thank the Lord for Mark's office manager at work. She understands our situation, and gives Mark an advance on his paycheck. It doesn't last long, as we buy groceries and meds with it. Or gas for our cars. It makes no sense how fast it's gone. When do those financial classes at church start? Not soon enough!

Kids are still home this week. School starts after the holiday. They are excited to go back to IL for the weekend.
Before we leave, the kids have "Sneak Peek" at school. They drop off supplies and meet their teachers.
I have a feeling this year is going to be a good one. Well, as far as school goes!

So, I had this group interview, for a retail job. I filled out all the paperwork after the interview to get hired. I know they called one of my references. But I have not heard anything else. I was hoping it would all be moving right along... they do orientation that takes a few nights to complete. They also require drug testing before hire. Maybe nothing will happen until after the holiday. I am excited to get out and work and have money to contribute to things we need, like food. medicine. heat. I don't look forward to retail, drama, and hawking the store credit card. But the store discount is sweet.

Work is good for Mark. Thank God for that. Humbly, I really, really thank God for that. It is going well, he seems to like it there and I am thankful it brought us here.

My life couldn't be stranger... even if it were fiction.

Now go watch some Ace of Cakes. Duff can make anything awesome. Out of Cake. Yummmmmm.