There is always a story waiting to be told.
Grab a cup of coffee and join me as I share some Salt & Light.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Well... that sucked.

I would be referring to the year 2007. I am so glad that a new year has begun. I am hopeful that it's a clean slate. Last year had quite a few really low points. Please, don't get me wrong - I am thankful for every blessing bestowed upon my family and me this past year. But the bad stuff was just, well... big. And, bad.

A lot of what happened in 2007, though it was bad, had to happen. Our lives have been changed in many ways. God is growing us in amazing ways and trusting us with things we didn't really want, but we are so much better off because of. Let me explain. (I think this is more to my benefit, than yours, but humor me.)

I guess it all started in 2006, really. December 26, 2006 will always be referred to, in my mind, as D-Day. It's the day that Remy was diagnosed with diabetes. When something happens to jeopardize the health of your kid, I think you just never relax about it. I am still tense in my shoulders. It just never goes away. You are on alert 24/7 just waiting for some medical emergency. Perhaps, it's just a mom thing. Now, I am not keeping my child in a bubble or anything like that. It just changes you.

A few months later, after a strange chain of events led to some, let's just say, "things" in my marriage, the marital counseling began and the mending of our life had begun. Those days were dark and bleak.

Things were looking much brighter after Mark attended Christ Renews His Parish at our church in May. For the first time, we had Christ in our marriage, together - really. It was a combination of the Mark I once knew and a Mark I had never known. This also became scary, like I wasn't sure I knew this man at all. Or was I the one that had been changed?

In June, Mark lost his job. This was a horrible time in our lives, yet looking back on it now - freeing. Mark was able to spend time with the children at Vacation Bible School. This was a huge deal to me. Mark was also able to take the kids to Diabetes Day Camp for a week. Our family had come together in a way that was unimaginable just a few months prior. It is a time in my life that I felt the closest to Mark than I ever had - more so even than during his transplant.

As side-notes: July marked out tenth wedding anniversary. Mark is currently employed but things are... different.

Every month closer to the end of the year just seemed to worsen. Nothing in particular. I just feel like it was spiraling out of control. Maybe it was just me spiraling out of control.

I made it to Christmas! I hosted my entire family at our home and lived to tell about it! The joy and festivities of Christmas Eve are what I want the kids to remember when they are older, like I remember it as a kid. Then, the day after Christmas came. Since December 26th, I have been severely depressed and unable to function on some days. Thankfully the kids were on break. On the days Mark was off from work, I wouldn't wake up. I was sleeping for fourteen hours or something at a time. Not even because I was tired. Like Cameron in "Ferris Beuller's Day Off", I just couldn't find anything better to do. It's a scary feeling to be so numb to anything and everything, to not feel fully present. I was able to provide for the kids and everything was okay, but I had no energy, no drive, and became hermit-like. When I am really in the pit, I don't answer the phone or make calls out. I can't explain it at all. My counselor says it is very common. I hate it.

Things are looking up. I am learning new things (like, about or finances - we are broke). I am working at having the kids on a better routine during the week. It's making a HUGE difference. I am feeling better as a mother and a wife. The kids seem happier. I also alerted the doctor to my issues about the medicine I am on and had it changed to the name brand from the generic. I think my issues with the depression were from the generic I had been put on right before the holiday. I don't care what anyone says, the generic is NOT the same as the name brand! All in all, since the New Year "rang in", I have a Tabula rasa (Latin: scraped tablet or clean slate) attitude. I don't think things could get much worse than they were in 2007. Pray for us.


Julestds said...


You are an amazing woman!